6C

Courtly love seems to be much more socially acceptable than eros, or lust. It seems much more polite, refined, and meaningful. But are the two really all that different?

There do seem to be many elements of courtly love that make it different than eros. Most obviously, courtly love is not necessarily consummated, as the man’s devotion is to an unattainable lady, so there may not even be a sexual side to the relationship. It also emphasizes restraint in conduct so the man does “nothing disagreeable that might annoy” the lady (according to Andreas Capellanus’s “The Art of Courtly Love”). This means that the man must be obedient and humble towards his love, constantly attempt to do what will please her, and avoid spending too much time with her (especially in public)--not exactly conducive to advancing a sexual relationship. Most significantly, courtly love claims that “character alone…is worthy of the crown of love,” not physical beauty (as with lust), and that love is held for one woman alone (whereas men can lust after many different women).

But let’s look a little more closely at these differences. Lust does not need to be acted upon to exist--so the first two differences don’t really prevent courtly love from being eros. And it turns out that all Capellanus means by “character” is social class (and acting in a manner befitting one’s social class)—all that really needs to be there is good breeding. So courtly love may focus on a little more than just good looks, but not by much. And besides this, courtly love does deal in a large part with physical beauty--it is supposed to spring from “the sight of and excessive meditation on the beauty of the opposite sex” and the desire for physical contact (sounds an awful lot like lust). So much for a sparkling personality and great sense of humor. How much more meaningful can that kind of focus be than lust’s?

These “differences” seem less like real deviations from lust and more like limitations imposed upon lust. For example: Take eros’s fundamental character, a love based on sexual attraction between two people. Now say the relationship might not be consummated, tell the man he has to act a certain way towards the woman, and say it only applies to one woman of a high enough class. These rules limit eros, to be sure, but they do not change its fundamental nature--and if followed, they turn it into courtly love. Courtly love is therefore not a completely new, legitimate form of love, but a way of imposing limitations upon eros to make it socially acceptable.